I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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