Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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