I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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