Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
