We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize