ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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