i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
