Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
