i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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