I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
