you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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