doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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