when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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