I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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