During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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