i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
