Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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