Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Rumble strips road head = magical
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
