Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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