i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
