East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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