Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We smell like vodka and hangover
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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