Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
