Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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