but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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