a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
