How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
