I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You ruined the universe
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize