dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
