Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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