My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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