Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
