Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
