If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
