I hate your face
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize