FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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