I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
