Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
