Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
