erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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