My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
