I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
