I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
