judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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