the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
