You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
