I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
