She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this just has baby written all over it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
