You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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