Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
