If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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