i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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