I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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