My Higher Power is John Stamos
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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