god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
