So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
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Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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