Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
