im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
