I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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