My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
