i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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