There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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