well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
