Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
